The first 6 months of expat life in a new country are known as the honeymoon period. They are a whirlwind of new adventures, new sights, smells, foods and fun. The question is what happens after the realities of daily life hit and that holiday feeling evaporates?
6 ways to cope with the first 6 months of expat life
The 6 months blues are a very real phenomenon, a time of second guessing your decisions, loneliness, boredom and homesickness. Homesickness can rear its ugly head and it’s a mental state that’s hard to beat. Of course there are tangible reasons for feeling down. Missing friends, family, your old job, the pang of seeing nights out posted on Facebook vie with the intangibles. Intangibles like speaking the same language, not always having to convert the cost of an item and not always being on the back foot in term of what’s right culturally.
The expat blues
When I moved to Cape Town the first 6 months of expat life were a holiday whirlwind of amazingness. Yet, I’ll never forget how at the six months mark the expat blues; reality and then depression hit me like a ton of bricks. Those first 6 months I spent little time making friends. My husband and I headed out every weekend to pastures new, living the high life and treating it like the extended vacation it wasn’t. But after 6 months I realised that I needed to find something else to do with my time. Suddenly, I was home alone with a small baby with not a clue what to do with my day and no friends.
Six months of living in Kenya and I’m still positive. I look forward to every day and am growing steadily more in love with the country. Why is that? Did I find the cure for homesickness or some kind of magical trick for making friends? Nope! all that’s changed this time was that I knew what to expect and as most things in life it’s all about managing expectations and being mentally prepared.
My 6 tips for managing the first 6 months in a new country like a pro:
First things first – setting up home
Know where you live and your proximity to the closest hospital, doctor and dentist. Learn where you can pop to for a pint of milk or packet of nappies as well as where to do a big shop. I assume you will set up basic utilities before you arrive but double check how things work once you get here. For example many countries use prepay electricity. Learn how to load so you don’t get caught in the dark it in the middle of the night. Learn how to contact security if an issue arises and have a drill if the worst happens. Make sure you’ve registered to any local medical & security facilities. In Kenya we have a security guard but we also sign up to a back up Security Company. We have BUPA but we also signed up to an airlifting service if something happens when we are out of town.Up your mental game:
You aren’t going on holiday. You are moving to a new country and you will have to live like you would back home, which means establishing a routine. It’s important to motivate yourself to get up and seize the day, even if the day only involves the school run and a trip to the local shop at this point. Routine is familiarity and familiarity is all-important in a situation where everything can feel new and overwhelming. Also you need to prepare yourself to be lonely and out of your depth… it’ll happen but this too will pass.
Put yourself out there:
It’s such a tough one isn’t it? I hate making friends. I’m rubbish at chit chat. I always end up drinking too much to cover up nerves and feel like a prat the next day, but I’ve put myself out there with gusto, because, well, what else can you do? I’ve joined the country club, I joined some running clubs, and I’m going to join the sailing club. I’ve invited nearly every kid in my children’s class over for play dates and often invited the mums over too. I’ve attended every event, party, BBQ I’ve been invited to and if I haven’t been invited I’ve made my own one and invited people over to me. It’s been exhausting, I feel like crawling into a hole and sleeping for weeks, but 6 months in I’ve made some great friends and have some support there for the down days.
Find something to do with your time:
I don’t have a visa to work and have struggled with not working since I became an expat 6 years ago. But this is 2018 and there are plenty of opportunities for working if you think outside the box. Consider remote working, or start a small business or volunteer. It doesn’t actually matter what you do, just do something. And don’t do as I did, which is tell to yourself that a baby or young kids are a full time job so you don’t need to find stuff to do, because you will go mad. Children are great, but as an adult you need something for yourself or resentment will build.Explore:
Learn both the wonders and the intricacies of your neighbourhood. Learn where the shops are, where to take a scenic jog, where to get a great coffee and where to go for a night out. Take a trip and see some of the touristy things in your country. This will remind yourself how wide and wonderful the world is and how lucky you are to be an expat.
Relax:
Being an expat is exhausting. Moving is exhausting. Keeping strong is exhausting. Meeting new people and working out daily necessities is exhausting. Give yourself time to chill, regather and recoup. Give your mental chatter and worrying a break. Home is a plane ride away and you can visit any time. If things don’t work out in your new country you can just can move back home. But before you are hasty give it time and consider that you only need one good friend to lean on. Just one good night out to feel like the old you and just one great weekend away to realise the fortitude of living abroad. And for all those amazing parties you are missing back home I bet your friends are looking back in equal envy. The grass in always greener, don’t give up, give it time.
This is great! Even though I’m three years into Kenya, I find all this still useful. Especially about the social life. People leave, so you have to constantly work at it. People are also busy, so, when you try to organize something, it can completely fail. And, since we don’t have kids, there is no easy everyday way to stay on people’s radar. We have to “advertising” ourselves, otherwise people forget about us.
IT must be incredibly tough without kids….I think 99% of our friends are through our kids/school. Lets go out and have a drink some day:o)
Hi, Im going to kenya nairobi this friday, visiting a friend who works at UN, wondering how live and work there, do you think i can find a job at kenya easily.
I will explore kenya for 3 months. hope i find some reason to stay longer there.
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