My eldest son was 3 months old when he became an expat. My other expat children were born into a country and culture that was different from their own, and their British parents. When my eldest turned six we moved again, to Kenya. This wont be our last foreign move.
As I look at my big boy who still talks about his old friends. Or my littlest kids who miss their teachers and their old house. I ask myself, every single day, why this nomadic lifestyle? Is this is the right thing to do? Is being an expat child a bonus or a negative. To ask my children to live without grandparents, cousins or uncles. To live a life isolated from the familial comforts of home. To raise my children in a third world country, with a high crime rate, where wild animals roam, where you can’t drink the water. You know what? every day the answer is yes. This is why.
Expat children life
Going back home we’d have endless shops filled every toy you could imagine. Day trips to soft plays and cinemas, organised events and theme parks. Food from every country at any point in the year. When winter came we would happily hunker in our houses watching the latest movies. We’d revel in our consumerism and in our first world pleasures. But is that better? Is that time well spent? In Kenya, we eat with the seasons, there’s no option not to. Play dates involve playing in mud kitchens, swimming in pools, climbing trees and catching insects. Day trips are to see volcanos, hippos and swim in in hot springs. We hardly watch TV. There is no reason to huddle inside as there is no winter. When it rains it’s warm so we still go swimming. Free time is quality time. Time for learning, growing & exploring. These expat children have the times of their little lives.
Crime rate is higher here but we live in a house protected by an electric fence, with a security guard and an alarm. I’ve never once felt unsafe either in my own house or out and about. Back home crime is less rampant but there are many times I’ve felt afraid. I’m scared of people in the underpass, of the teenage kids passing cider on the train. We take pride in the safety of our first world country but in many ways we are blind to reality. In our confidence that we are safe we have created no barriers to the enemy. We’ve learned no ways to protect ourselves. We don’t raise our children to be alert and be aware. We are on a higher alert for crime in Kenya, but I believe that raising children to be aware of the the realities of life and to live cautiously is a good thing.
Family from a distance
Let’s face it sometimes absence really does make the heart grow fonder. My relationship with my family has never been better since I’ve lived 4000 miles away from them. Without daily niggles, expectations and disappointments the time we spend together is a happy time. When my parents come to visit my expat kids, they get to spent 2 + weeks with their grandparents doing amazing and exciting things. When people are on holiday there are no outside factors, no daily stress, the time is dedicated 100% to family time.
My expat children are multicultural and multilingual.
My expat children are world travellers. They’ve been on a plane countless times. They have seen places most adults haven’t visited. They are comfortable with all types of food. They speak other languages… but also understand that the languages of the world are so numerous that they will often understand nothing at all. They are open to all religions. They are friends with faces of all colours. They are empathetic to all cultures. Nothing fazes them. Why would it? They learned from a young age that life is beautiful because it is unique.
Expat children are stronger and more confident.
This isn’t a off the cuff comment. Research has proven that big moves can help to create stronger and more confident kids. The child that has stayed with the same set of friends from birth has never had to learn to make new friends. They’ve never had to adapt to a new way of living. New foods, new car, new house, new school, new playground, new friends. It’s daunting even for grown ups, but anyone with an expat kids will agree that most children adapt far easier than the adults. My three kids take on new experiences without a second thought.
My problems ain’t their problems
The most important thing to remember is that my children don’t know any different. They have never grown up n the bosom of an extended family. They’ve never known it snow at Christmas. They’ve never been to a theme park. What is a gaping hole in my life isn’t even a consideration for them. They can’t miss what they never had and I need to stop mistaking my heartache for theirs. My kids are great. They are fit, tanned, healthy, kind, clever, and joyful and I am 100% convinced that this is down to the wild and free lifestyle that living in Africa gives them.
Am I glad they are expat kids. Hell yeah! I grew up in part in England and in part abroad, my memories are all of my adopted countries. These adventures define me as I hope my children’s adventures will shape them; to be open minded, accepting and wise.
Look, I’m a realist though, if its not all jolly hockey sticks right now (and it hasn’t been for me – see this article https://theexpatmummy.com/my-son-is-sad-and-it-breaks-my-heart/ ). Then try to remember that this too shall pass. The below links to blogs may help:
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Great article!!!
Love your posts! This is great. Thank you
Thanks those are kind words.. sometimes i wonder what all this blogging crap is about and then I reming myself that it’s incredibly cathartic and worth it when you get lovely posts. My in laws live in Jakarta so nice to see another side of the city x