How my expat blog helped me banish the blues

My friend is depressed. It’s not immediately obvious, but I’ve been there before and I know the signs. She’s stopped coming out. She’s stopped finding enjoyment in things. She’s stopped trying.

The expat blues

She’s relatively new to Kenya and the expat blues have hit her hard. I’ve written about expat depression and anxiety a lot, so I wanted to spend some time with her and share some of the things I’ve learned. I didn’t want to approach her with platitudes and promises of nights out. I wanted to offer her something that would make a difference. I’ve been thinking, what actually made a difference to me? What made me lift up my head and carry on rather than wanting to run away back home?

Keeping busy when you are an expat

I’ve talked in my blog about the importance of making friends. Friends are your family. I’ve talked about trying to find the beauty in the everyday. To appreciate the here and now and the freedom we have. I’ve talked about how essential it is to keep busy and to have a purpose for being beyond husband, kids and the gym. But I didn’t talk about how to keep busy. And hen I thought about it, what really made a difference to me was this blog.

Blogging for love

I’m sure I’m in good company when I say that there are many times this blog has been a lifeline to me. I earn no money from it. Some days I’m not sure anyone even reads it. But it doesn’t matter because the most important thing about this blog is that it gives me a sense of purpose. And you can never underestimate the value of purpose when you are a (horrible word) trailing spouse.

My depression came from feeling useless. I lost my big fancy job, I had no reason to wear nice clothes or makeup. My husband was out there making deals and travelling all over Africa and I was left at home to play the good wife. I am a mother and I love my children with all my heart but I was never that girl at school for whom being a mother was all she wanted. No, I want my family and more. I want the love of my children and husband but also to feel that I am my own person. An independent person. A person my kids can look up to. And a person who has and realises goals.

Well, I’m still working on the independent bit – as I said my blog earns me no money. But having this blog has given me many things.

An outlet for my thoughts

Sometimes I get home from school and spend the day furiously typing. Sometimes I post those blogs, sometimes I don’t. Whatever I choose (and forgive me for the occasional oversharing) the nature of writing it down is cathartic. It helps my soul.

A goal

It sounds dramatic but at times this has been my reason to get up in the morning. Nothing drags you down more than boredom. I’ve had too many days when I’d done my chores, exercised and walked the dog and had nothing left to do. You can always write.

A sense of achievement

I was over the moon when I got 200 followers. Now I’m at nearly 3000. I was so happy when I got a paid commission. When I got 1000 visits in one day. When I write a piece that I think is fabulous and am excited to share. When people tell me how much they liked something I wrote. I love this. It gives me a warm glowy feeling.

There are a few less emotional reasons too:

Refine my writing skills

I’ve wanted to write since I was a little girl. It’s all I ever wanted to do. When I worked in marketing. It was the part of the job I enjoyed the most. When pressed since age 8 I’ve always said I wanted to be a travel writer. Writing the blog has allowed me to work on writing skills. It’s even earned me a few freelance writing gigs.

Get a job

Before my job, I was picking up writing work from content mills. ‘500 words on door locks for £5’ – it was soul destroying. Since this blog, I have managed to find work as a staff writer for several online blogs. To write paid articles for larger websites. I’ve had a couple of freebie holidays. This blog is a valuable part of my portfolio. It allows potential employers to see who I am and how I write.

Writing a blog isn’t for everyone, of course. And if it is it’s a tough decision to lay yourself open to the world. Often I write stuff that I am too embarrassed to share. I have a whole file of unpublished blogs written in anger or angst.

The point is that writing a blog gave me a sense of purpose. When you are alone in a country that is not our own, feeling overwhelmed, lonely and homesick, having something to do, even if its just to bash out 800 words that no one will ever read can be a lifeline. You never know, you might enjoy it.

Starting a blog

If you are keen to start a blog, then here is a really useful link which will get you set up The most important thing of all is that you have fun.

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