It’s been a hard few weeks; blame the meds, the weather, the moon and the sun and the rise and fall of the wind. It’s impossible to put my finger on why, but recently everything has been a little bit harder and a little bit more stressful. I’ve felt discombobulated and as though I don’t know where or who I am right now. All in all I’ve not wanted to write or do anything much at all. Yesterday though, my son lit a glimmer of creativeness in my moody life and here I am writing about how a 6 year old inspired me to get over myself. Why? Well because his smile in the face of what could have been a rubbish week have taught me a lesson or two about the power of optimism and a positive outlook.
How opportunity can seem like your worst enemy
This week is the last week of school. Thus we have a week of celebrations the majority of which include sporting games. Yesterday there was a cross-country race and today it was the world cup football. Sports occasions are joyous for some but my heart heaved a sigh when I receive the notifications a few weeks ago. Because although my son is tall, lithe, of an athletic build…. he has absolutely no interest in sports.
So here we are on the cross-country day. He sets off cheetah like from the start for a lap around the field. Forward 300 metres and he’s crawling. Why? Well because he’s no interest in sport and he does it for laughs. Unsurprisingly he comes last in the whole year. He’s a little sad but explains to me later “ Mum its like the hare and the tortoise – I started to fast and needed a rest” “ Ok I say, as long as you tried your hardest”. I ignore the crawling on the ground. I’m unsure if acting the class clown is genuine cheekiness or an attempt to cover up his insecurities when he realised he wouldn’t win.
Today was the football day. 930 sees him on the field dressed up in team colours with no idea how to play football. He’s never watched or played a game (see – zero interest) I tell him, just kick it in the net and he goes ahead and plays his little heart out. He was pretty good considering; he scored a goal, he ran fast, he was energetic and happy and speedy and clever. I was so proud.
Triumphantly last
So at the end they award the trophies and he’s come last again I’m so sad for him. I trudge over to see him expecting tears – but he is beaming. ‘See mummy I tried really hard and I really enjoyed myself… that’s all that counts right’ I hug him and all is ok.
And that’s the point. He was happy because he did his best. Should he beat himself up for not being first, for not being hungrier for the prize? Of course not. He was a winner in terms of getting something out of his experience and learning how to lose with grace and dignity.
Learning lessons from our kids
I definitely think this is a lesson I need to take upon myself. There is so much I want to do in life but I don’t because of the risk of losing. Someone wrote me a message in response to an old article about being an expat wife “ We all have choices. Is your choice to be an expat wife without a work visa? If it is then make the best of it, if it isn’t you need to consider where to from here”
Paralyzed by the possibility of mediocrity
Wise words indeed. I feel in state of limbo the last few months. Am I happy just being a housewife? No. Do I want a full time job? Maybe. What am I doing about the 2001 ideas and plans for businesses and books that I’ve come up with? Nothing. Nothing at all. Because I’m afraid of coming last, or it not being good and how that will make me feel. So paralyzed by fear of mediocrity I do nothing. And I stagnate and the ideas come less frequently and the motivation decreases. I am trapped only by my own expectations of myself.
So you see Rupert’s frame of mind might seem counterintuitive to some but actually it’s a remarkably resilient and strong way to think. If you enter into a new venture with optimism and a sense of fun. If you accept that you will be happy with the outcome as long as your tried your best and had fun doing it. Then how is it possible to lose? The only losing in life is when you don’t give something a go. If you learn to measure life less against winning and losing and more towards living and learning, then a whole world of opportunities opens up to you. Suddenly there are no negatives associated with a failed business venture, an unpublished book or a hobby that crashed and burned. There are no barriers to running towards dreams and attempting goals. With an acceptance of losing as an essential part of life, as a lesson learned… then you achieve an element of freedom that is lost if all you are focused on is first place.
Lessons losing teaches us
More importantly in fact… and another lesson my son taught me this morning, is that losing equips us for life. Losing gracefully teaches us humility. It teaches us how to deal with uncomfortable feelings; loss and rejection. Disappointment and self-pity. Feelings that are a sad but inevitable part of an extraordinary life. It teaches us empathy. In sh
ort losing teaches us.. it makes us wiser. While its never going to be comfortable being last, as long as we learn how to deal with it. How to shoulder the blow, gather the learnings and move on with fearlessness then it is time well spent.
Life is short, must we spend it in fear of last place or should we not leap with gay abandon into the unknown. I’m certain that taking risks and giving something your best shot is always better than a life of wondering ‘what if’.